I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
