I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
