I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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