Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
