so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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