some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
