I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
