I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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