Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
