In the future we'll all be gay
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
