Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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