ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My pussy is not your playground.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
