Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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