I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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