I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
