He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
