Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
