hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
