dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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