you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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