So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what day is it and did you see me today?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
