he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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