That's when you crack a 10am beer
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
