I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
