No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
