Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
