Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im part way to drunk.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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