my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
