you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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