She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
