You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
