Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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