glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
