Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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