Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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