Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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