so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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