I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
