apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
