mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
