i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
