Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
