This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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