the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
