We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
