Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
