I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
