would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
