I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
