I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
