Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
