Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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