Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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