Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
