you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
