Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
